This is 30 Days of Blogging: Day 17. I should be on day 21 but I really needed a break over the weekend and the last two days have been so busy. I haven’t quiet figured out a good time to write when we have busy days. I do need to try to do better with that though, because it’s only going to get busier as we get back to normal life things!
Over the past several days I’ve been thinking about how to best care for baby E and it got me thinking about things that I do that in some way inhibit either giving her the best care or do not set the example that I want my girl growing up watching. Really, these are things that I needed to work on anyway, but there’s more consequence to it now so I really need to take it seriously. These three things need more balance in my life so for me and my girl, I’m going to do my best to regulate better.
1. Coffee
Coffee and I have a complicated relationship. I actually didn’t start drinking coffee everyday until I started working full time. And it didn’t take long to get to 3-4 cups a day from there (too many hours and too much stress). In the last couple years I’ve been better about getting down to more like 2 cups a day, but I want it all the time. It’s definitely a comfort thing for me, in addition to I just really like coffee.
But my coffee habits affect baby E in several ways. One, obviously caffeine makes it into breast milk and can upset baby’s tummy or can make her antsy or irritated. Same with the acid. I know in most cases you have to have a lot of caffeine to have those affects on babies, but I don’t even want to chance it. Especially since she already struggles with reflux.
Two, there’s the dehydration factor and I don’t need any help reducing my milk supply.
Three, there are emotional components as well. The little caffeine kick in the morning does help my day get started, but other than that I don’t need the caffeine. Most of the time any coffee besides my first cup in the morning is purely an emotional thing. Coffee is a comfort for me. And honestly I don’t want my girl growing up seeing mommy “need” coffee to be okay or needing coffee to function.
I’ve definitely fallen into the whole “coffee is life” mindset that seems to have permeated our culture. Think “stay calm and drink coffee,” “today’s good mood is sponsored by coffee,” and Gilmore Girls.
But I don’t think it’s healthy. And I would much rather teach my girl to fully enjoy a lovely hot cup of morning coffee than to rely on it to “get through her day.” I’d rather that for me too!
So for all of the above reasons, I’m going to start cutting back to just one cup in the morning. Even though my second cup has been decaf so I know baby E is safe, I still want to develop a more healthy relationship with coffee.
2. Screen Time
This is hard. So much of life happens on our phones. Then add in Netflix and, if you’re into it, video or phone games, and you’re practically in front of screen from 7am to 10pm. Yikes. Yikes.
I’ll be the first to admit I spend too much time on my phone. And yes some of that time is for a good reason – like writing blog posts or paying bills. But there’s also a lot of scrolling, unnecessary google searching, and shopping (read spending too much money). Since I’ve had baby E, my screen time report has been 10-11 hours a day. That’s embarrassing and I’m sure terrible for my eyes and brain. Some of that is just because I have music playing on my phone or something, but still.
There are a lot of negatives to do much screen time, particularly now with a daughter:
I’m more distracted than I should be
I stare at my phone instead of staring at my precious baby who grows right in front of my eyes (or not)
Every time my girl looks at mommy, mommy is looking at a screen 😭
I’m showing my daughter that life happens on a screen
I find so many unnecessary things to do on my phone that quickly become “necessary” for me to do 🤦♀️
The more time I spend in front of a screen the less time I’m being active or creative
I do NOT like this and I do NOT want my daughter growing up watching me watch a screen. Nope nope nope. So it’s become pretty clear that I’ve really got to cut down screen time. If I’m in front of a screen, I’ve better have a good reason for it. If I can’t regulate my own screen time, then I won’t be able to regulate my daughter’s screen time. That’s not how it works and I need to start now.
3. Frantic Productivity
Note that this isn’t productivity. I still need to get things done. But I don’t want the need of productivity to come before my family – my daughter or my husband. If I “need” to get things done and baby E isn’t cooperating, that’s when I get frantic. I get flustered and irritated and I try to squeeze in whatever it is that “needs” to be done in the two or three minutes I have here and there. Which means I’m rushed, I’m impatient, and I’m frazzled.
Okay that’s just not the combination for good parenting, good stewardship, or good anything really. Another way of life that I do NOT want to live. Another example I do NOT want to set.
And I’ll admit that I haven’t figured this out yet. Not at all. I don’t know how to balance the things that need to be done with the things that I want to do with being present and available for my family. But I want to learn. This is another skill that I feel is greatly lacking in our culture and greatly lacking in me. But I want to learn how to do it so that one, I am present for my husband and my daughter, and two, that I can help my girl do the same in her life.
So kill the frantic, kill the busy, kill the need of productivity. I want the memories, I want to be the loving presence my family needs, I want the joy and the peace and the contentment.
None of these are easy things, and I know it’s going to take a lot of work, effort, and self-control to redirect. But when I think of the difference between life stuck in these habits versus life free from these habits, it is so worth it. So. Worth. It. There’s not even a little bit of “well it’ll be okay.” No, it’s a resounding “that is NOT what I want life to be!!” So I’m going to fight for it. Die self!
