It’s the weekend! Baby girl got her shots yesterday. She was fussy and her legs hurt yesterday afternoon and evening, but she slept great and she’s happy today. 🤍
In addition to thinking about the whole “space” thing that I talked about yesterday, I’ve also been thinking a lot about marriage. M and I are in the throes of figuring how life works with a baby. And it’s been challenging.
There have been a lot of instances where we just totally miss each other. We think we’re on the same path and then we find we’ve been walking opposite directions for quite some time. There have been a lot of miscommunications and non-communications and any married person knows that’s where all the trouble gets started.
We are both really trying to be patient and flexible, but I think we’re going a little too far with it – yes, that’s possible. In trying to be patient and just go with the flow, we’ve been making too many assumptions.
“He needs some space.” When really it’s he’s discouraged and need some uplifting.
“She’s just tired.” When really it’s she desperately needs to tell someone how she’s feeling.
“He’s not interested in the baby or me.” When really he’s at a loss for what to do or how to help.
“She’s mad at me.” When really she needs a break and some food and water.
Why we assume first rather than talk first I don’t know. But I think part of it is because if we think we know what’s going on we can kind of waddle through the situation without opening up a can of worms. It’s keeping the peace you know?
But in the end it (almost) always hurts us. So between being tired, making assumptions, and feeling hurt, we’ve had some frustrating days. For me, once we’ve hit that point, it’s hard to get back to where we feel close and can communicate openly again and be willing to go the extra mile to make each other a priority. Cause I’m kinda pissed off you know?
So back into my little thinky world again. How do I get over these negative feelings to be able to start a conversation? How do I get past the frustration to be willing to put energy into us?
This time around I was reminded of something that I hadn’t thought of in a while. And don’t ever think of when we have conflict. But it was actually quite powerful.
It’s the reminder that as husband and wife, we are one.
I often think, We’re a team.” But actually we are more than that, or less than that depending on how you look at it. We are one. One person, one flesh, one body.
He’s not against me and I’m not against him. We are one.
There’s not one winner or one loser. Either we both win or we both lose. We are one.
When we fight each other, we fight ourselves. We are one.
While it is good and healthy to recognize that we are both individual people, we also can’t forget that we are also one. It’s one of life’s many mysterious both/ands.
But when it comes to navigating marriage thinking through the lens of “we are one” is both helpful and meaningful.
