The power of words. More than we can imagine. Mightier than we remember.
We had another conversation last night. Figuring out this marriage with a baby thing has been tough. At least we’re talking now, but the conversations aren’t always easy. One of us says one thing and the other feels utterly confused. How two people can misunderstand so badly I don’t know. But hey we’re trying.
Last nights conversation was more or less “we don’t have anything new to say but we still don’t have a fix.” Not that everything can or should be “fixed” but everything has at least some sort of resolution. It just takes a while to get there sometimes. But the in between is uncomfortable.
As we sat in our mutual uncomfortableness, I started realizing something. All of what I had been feeling had a root. I knew it did. I just didn’t know what that root was. But that root started showing itself last night and everything started making more sense.
While clarity helps, sometimes it hurts. And this hurt. It was a realization of a deep disappointment from something I was scared of happening. It felt like a slap in the face. Another disappointing unfolding of a dream I’d held a long time. I’ve talked before about dreams – life dreams – not coming to fruition. And it hurts. And I’m going to have to make peace with it.
But as I was having this realization, I let myself say it out loud to M and I let myself cry. It seemed like it was something that should’ve wrecked my world. That should’ve destroyed me for days, weeks, months even.
But instead of letting it marinate in mind (where things can get dark), I let it out. I spoke it. And there was freedom and comfort in that. I was okay. I am okay.
I’m the worst about keeping things to myself while I “work through them.” But this instance helped remind me that there is power in words. And this can work for us and against us. Words can bring life or death. I so often forget that. So I’m going to try to do better. It’s amazing how something seemingly so small can be such a big deal. But it is, and we do well to remember. 🤍
