Most of my life I’ve been used to having one simple Christmas with my immediate family. Sharing a candle-lit dinner on Christmas Eve, followed by reading the Christmas Story from Luke chapter 2 and an always-anticipated sibling gift exchange. On Christmas morning before the sun was up, the kiddos would quietly sneak downstairs to find a large assortment of gifts. With a gleam in their eyes and giddy excitement, they would hurry to wake the rest of us who dared to grab just a few more moments of sleep. Once we all had scarfed down our gooey cinnamon rolls, we congregated in the family room for the gift unwrapping to begin. One by one, youngest to oldest, we’d unwrap our gifts, pausing only for mom to grab the necessary photos. After the last gift had been opened, the clothes were modeled, packages broken open, and toys were given a test run. We’d spend the rest of the day playing (and eating). There’s no place like home for the holidays! And that was Christmas every year since I can remember.
Since we live across the country from our extended family, we never traveled around the holidays and didn’t have to split Christmases up. Christmas was always simple and quiet (well, as quiet as it could be in a household of 10!). Low stress. And special because of the bond that it created between all of us siblings.
But nothing can stay the same forever. And this year was the start of that change. A lot of change (marriage will do that)! This year was our first Christmas married. So Christmas for me was no longer just my immediate family. Christmas for my husband was no longer just his family. It was my family, his family, and our family. When you’re used to things being the same for so long, big changes to those things can be hard. I have to admit, it was tempting for me to want to keep things the same as much as possible. To be a part of all the same family traditions I grew up with. To try to schedule and arrange things so that we could participate in the activities that I was used to as much as we could.
It was also easy to feel like we had to be a part of all of the important parts of both of our families’ Christmases (impossible) or simply blend with one or both of our families, forgetting that we, my husband and I, are also a family. Trying to establish a new family unit, while also being a part of the existing family units can be challenging. There’s pressure not to disappoint, not let anyone down. The temptation to let go of doing things as your own family unit, because you simply can’t do everything. The feeling that you’re being selfish when saying “no” to some family activities. But what we realized was that it was important to have a balance of each. To spend time with my family, his family, and just the two of us. It was a balancing act, but it was well worth the effort!
We didn’t do things perfectly. Plans changed several times. There were miscommunications. Things on the schedule got pushed. We had lots of driving around and places to be. There was last minute gift shopping. Times that we got tired or frustrated. The Christmas activity, and the potential for stress, was significantly higher this year. It wouldn’t have taken much for us to get to the point where we felt stressed and pressured, and overrun by all the activity.
But we made sure to schedule some things for just the two of us, in between the time that was needed for preparations and the family gatherings. And it was those little things here and there, those times that we had to connect and make new memories and traditions, that helped us keep our cool – and enjoy the busy Christmas weekend with everyone else.
We took a couple hours one evening to grab some yummy hot cocoa and coffee and drive the neighborhoods to admire the Christmas lights and decorations.
We walked the tinsel trail downtown.
We made cookies for the neighbors.
We attended a candlelight service.
We spent time together wrapping gifts and making Christmas goodies for family and friends.
We made our first gingerbread house! Wasn’t sure if this was going to happen, but by golly we were determined! Even if it was 10:30 pm…
And we reserved Christmas morning to be at home together, just the two of us. We made Christmas waffles (this will definitely be a family tradition at our house forevermore…) and got to exchange our gifts to each other.
The rest of the time we spent with our families and so enjoyed the time that we got with them. Even though things were different, and took some extra effort, it was, in my husband’s words, “the best Christmas ever.” Everything wasn’t perfect, but it was really good.
I am very thankful for the reminder that change can be good (better, even). And I’m thankful for the sweet time spent with family sharing the joy and celebrating the life that we have.
Life isn’t about getting and having, it’s about giving and being. – Kevin Kruse
