I wrote this post for Christmas 2018. We were just married and had so many changes that year. As a new wife, I wanted to make our first Christmas together really special. I wanted it to be really special. But after realizing that the holidays as married adults wasn’t quite the same as I expected it to be, or wanted it to be, I wrote this post. So if you’re struggling with Christmas not being the magical, special time you want it to be…this post is for you.
Even more has changed since Christmas two years ago, and the holidays seem even less…magical. I do plan to share more on this later. But for now, here’s why Christmas doesn’t have to be perfect.
-nicole
I love the holidays. Especially Christmas. I love the break from the normal routines, the time spent with family, the gift-giving, the fun decorations, all the lights (especially the lights), and Advent. But these last few years, every time the holidays roll around, with all the excitement and memories, I begin feeling the pressure…
To make everything just so. To create the moments we’ll remember forever. To hold everything together when things seem to be falling apart.
And then the stress and worry sets in. That everything won’t be perfect. There will be too much, it will all be overwhelming. The moments won’t be there. Something terrible will happen. Or life circumstances will get in the way of the wonder and excitement.
But we can’t isolate the holiday season from the rest of the year, the rest of our lives, and pretend that Christmas is supposed to be perfect. Christmas is not about the stuff. The decorations, gifts, music, parties or the perfect moments. There is something special about those things, yes. But when everyone else (as it seems) is enjoying all the festivities, and my heart is breaking at the circumstances in my life and those around me, I know that’s a shallow perception, a fleeting expectation.
All of us have suffered loss. Brokenness. Hopelessness. And some years the holidays only magnify those broken parts of us. The holes in our hearts seem to widen. The season feels empty. And when everyone else is embracing the holiday cheer, we can’t.
Some of us are afraid of things that could happen or that won’t happen. That unsettling whisper inside… what if?
What if . . . so and so can’t make it?
What if . . . there’s family drama?
What if . . . someone gets sick?
What if . . . there’s a diagnosis?
What if . . . everything falls apart?
And we spend our time fretting and controlling.
Or maybe you’re in a new season or situation, in transition. Whether good or bad, this too, has it’s effects. Maybe it’s that you know that what you’ve always known Christmas to be, can no longer be. It’s just not going to be the same as it was before. Or there are new and exciting anticipations that come with a new season of life, but things don’t seem to be holding up to those expectations?
And so we feel the pressure to make things happen?
To make Christmas special. To be responsible for what memories are made. To take charge so we don’t miss it. And yet in the middle of planning, worrying, and conjuring, we do just that – we miss it. The wonder. The beauty. The peace.
So when we feel we have to shut out the brokenness or shut ourselves off – and forget that it’s ok to hurt, it’s ok for things to be different, it’s ok to not be ok…
When we’re afraid of things that could foil our perfect plans…
When we allow ourselves to succumb to the pressure and allow expectations to drive our happiness…
Then we have already let Satan win.
We have said that fear gets to determine the outcome.
That worry can have our joy.
When we take on the responsibility of holding everything together…then we have taken God’s place.
And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together. Col 1:17 (ESV)
It’s in these times that we find it harder to rejoice in the advent message… and when we need to hear it most.
A promise of strength. Peace. Hope. Love.
What we celebrate at Christmas – Christ’s birth – is the very thing that gives us those promises.
Strength to get through the hard things. He will hold you in the brokenness.
Peace to know He is God and still in control. He will work things out for good.
Hope to know that He has good things in store. He will create those moments that you will hold in your heart forever.
Love, His love, which for us is security and assurance, and for others a gift we can extend . Love that speaks profoundly not only to those whom it’s extended, but also to our anxious hearts.
We can allow ourselves to be cynical doubters. Or we can allow the hope of Christ to speak to our weary, frantic souls.
When we let expectations go, we can go into the wonder of peace and freedom that surrender brings. When we let expectations go, we can wait expectantly for what Christ will do.
When we allow Christ’s love to cast the fear out of our hearts, we can believe the words of the Psalmist:
They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the LORD. Psalm 112:7 (NIV)
Not because there is a promise of no bad news, but because we are grounded in Christ’s peace and hope.
So we must declare that fear really is the liar, and that God really is the truth-teller.
Which means Christ has the final victory.
The King of Kings is still in charge.
The Prince of Peace will hold you tightly secured.
The Everlasting Father will provide for every need that you have.
The good news of great joy is for you.
And the angel said to them, “Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.” Luke 2:10-11 (ESV)
Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and will not be afraid; for the LORD GOD is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation. Isaiah 12:2 (ESV)
